Chapter 3.8

I woke up around 2:30am on Sunday morning thinking Adam was finally wandering in from Prom.

When I got up to ask him how the dance went I came face to face with someone trying to steal my egg gem collection!

Don’t mess with my egg gems.  I took that bitch down!  The cops came but they were useless.  The woman ran right past them out the door.

When I woke up next time it was 9am and Adam was working on his latest comic book.  He’s really becoming well-known in the nerd community and his comics are bringing in a bit of money.

We both agreed that from now on I was the sole chef of the house.  We had a good laugh about the horrible waffles but money is tight and we cannot afford to be wasting food.

Adam went and got himself cursed by the fortune-teller and it’s really causing us some financial problems.  Every morning at 12:01 AM my bank account hits $0.  It doesn’t matter how much money was in there, it is immediately drained.

Which usually leaves me with no way to purchase groceries, pay bills, or pay for the procedure tomorrow.

I headed down to Mom’s gallery to sell some of my photos from my trip.  I hoped they wouldn’t sell today but tomorrow morning so that the money would still be worth something.

I also donated some of my relics to the museum area Mom set up in one wing of the gallery.

I figured while I was out I should go and visit my parents and meet my new sister, Ericka.

I was happy to see Dad looking well despite of the cancer.  Mom was still fuming that he hadn’t told her and they spent my whole visit arguing.  I didn’t even get a chance to hug Dad or talk to Mom.

I went upstairs to meet Ericka and was shocked to find that the kid looked just like me.  Purple skin, black hair, her eyes were a blue-green that hinted at my own.

I couldn’t help but wonder if the thing in my body would look like me.  I put Ericka back in her crib and got the hell out of that house before I did something I would regret tomorrow.

I ran home and threw Adam in the car.  I needed some normalcy to life and the Fall Festival was just the place for that.

I think Adam got that because he suddenly had a take no prisoners attitude with the festival games.  He beat me at the pie eating contest.

He beat me at apple bobbing.  He would have beaten me at the mechanical bull, too but I refused to ride it.

We picked pumpkins for carving.  Adam made sure to grab a few extra so that we could use them for food.  Smart kid.  He’s learning!

Granny Liddy and Aunt Holly were also at the festival that night and we had a picnic and caught up with each other.  It was weird that Granny wasn’t pregnant since that’s how I always remember her when I was growing up.

Finally we got home after midnight.  Adam and I carved our pumpkins and ignored the fact that we were both exhausted.  Tomorrow would come too soon if we slept.

I carved a boring pumpkin while Adam got a little silly with his.  We stuck them out in front out the house even though Halloween was over a week away.

Adam finally made it to bed at 3 in the morning.  I felt bad because he’d be so tired at school.  I wasn’t the least bit sleepy.

Tomorrow was going to suck.

Chapter 3.7

Note from SweetPoyzin: This chapter is HEAVY in adult subject matter and language.  Readers discretion is advised.

The night I told Adam about how I got pregnant was one of the worst nights of my life so far.

“So…does Xander know yet?”

“He’s…he’s not the father, Adam.”

“Oh.  Um…do you know who is?  I don’t mean that in a bad way either.  I’m just confused I guess.”

“I met this guy back in France.  He was twice my age but we hit it off anyway.  It was supposed to end there!  Just flirting but then…  I found out right before I left that he was married.  And his wife was pregnant, too.  I’m such an idiot.  Before you ask: No, I’m not keeping it.  I have an appointment set up first thing Monday morning.”

We sat in silence for a few minutes.  I wasn’t sure what Adam was going to say.

“You are not an idiot, sis.  That asshole played you.  I’d rip his balls off if I could.  Anything to prevent you from this situation.  At least there’s a reason for you puking 900 times a day.  I thought you’d gone bulimic on me.  Not that this is any better.”

“Adam, please please don’t tell anyone about this.  Not with what Liv is going though.  And if Xander ever knew…well.  Just please don’t speak a word of it.”

“I’ll take it to my grave.  I swear it.”

“Thanks baby bro.  You are going to be a great man one day.”

It was 3am before either of us crawled into bed.  I don’t know how well Adam slept but I tossed and turned all night.  I crawled out of bed at 10am the next morning looking like a zombie.

Adam was in the kitchen whipping up some waffles.  I really had to hand it to him.  For only being 16 he really puts other people first.

Despite the prowess he showed with his toy oven the waffles were horrible!  They were a giant pile of charcoal!

We had a good laugh about it but ended up tossing them after neither one of us could dare the other into eating them.

I snagged Adam after breakfast to have another chat.

“I’ve got to go down to the resale shop and get some new clothes.  The parasite inside me is starting to take over and my pants don’t fit anymore.”

“Oh well…perhaps I could drive you?  You shouldn’t drive in your condition.”

“Adam, I’m pregnant, not incapacitated!  You don’t even have your license yet!  I’ll give you some lessons when we get home.”

“I wasn’t trying to get lessons out of you.  But if you insist.  Also, could you grab me a tux and a yellow shirt while you are out?  Prom is tonight.”

Short notice much?  I headed off with no money in my pockets and a lot to purchase.

A new clothing resale shop had opened up on the edge of town.  It looked cute on the outside but it was wretched inside.

I guess I should have figured it would look cheap.  If I can get a new wardrobe for $100 I shouldn’t expect it to look like a Neiman Marcus.

I ran by the salon on the way home.  I thought it might be too conspicuous to have lighter, flowy clothes at the beginning of fall so I needed a new hairstyle, too.  That way I could say I just wanted to change things up.

I found my new look hard to complain about even under the circumstances.  I’m such a hottie.

“Lookin’ hot, sis!  How about those driving lessons now?”

“Lookin’ hot now goes under the things you can’t say to me category.  Have you ever driven a car before?”

“Not legally.  Once I backed Dad’s car down the driveway and into the mailbox.  That’s about it.”

“Get in the car.  I swear if you even think about crashing my car I will never let you do anything fun again!  Just homework and housework!”

Adam was out the door and in the car before I could even blink.  The look in his eye was a scary combination of excitement and determination.

He did really well though.  I was still I little worried he might run over kids at the playground but he kept it on the road.

We got home just as the limo I ordered pulled up.  I figured if I had to buy him a tux I might as well rent the limo, too.  I was also living a bit vicariously through Adam since I skipped my own Prom.

Adam’s girlfriend Rory was already waiting when we got home.  He neglected to tell me she was going to come over so I felt kind of shitty about her waiting alone.  The limo seemed to make up for any anger she had though.

It was 11pm when I crawled into bed with no sign of Adam.  I figured he’d be home eventually or the cops would bring him home.  One way or another he’d show up!

I wasn’t going to set a time limit on his fun.

Chapter 3.6

Note from SweetPoyzin: This chapter gets a bit heavy in adult content and language later in the chapter.  Reader discretion is advised.

I don’t know why everyone keeps telling me raising teenagers is a pain in the ass.  Adam is awesome!  I know I was just a great.

He gets up every morning and makes his own food.

He does chores.

He even helps take care of the crazy critters I call my “Slime Babies”.

A few months had passed since my adventures abroad and the bills were starting to pile up.  In fact, the repo man had just left my house after stealing my washing machine.

Alas, it was time to get a job.

So I headed the salon.  I got my hair, nails, and makeup done.  I also donned a stellar new suit I picked up at a garage sale.

I realized as I looked in the mirror that I was, in fact, an adult now.  I tried not to vomit at this thought.  It was time.

I got to the hospital just in time for my interview.  I had no idea what to expect.  I didn’t think I’d get the job.  I mean, I had a mediocre school record and here I was trying to get a job as a surgeon?  They’d laugh me out of the hospital.

But they hired me!  After some celebration in front of the hospital I realized where I was and toned it down a bit.

You know how it is.  You hire a surgeon and then someone sees her dancing like a mental patient in front of the building.  Then you get fired.

I ran home to change because I had a date later that afternoon.  Not with Xander though.

“Did Bug get my gifts!?  I missed that kid!”

“Yeah, the movers came and dropped off her stuff months ago.  Why are you just now getting here!?  Also, don’t you think a whole bedroom set from France is a bit much for a 6 month old?  At least call next time and tell me a moving truck is coming with 30 things for my daughter’s room!”

“Uh, hello!  I’m pulling rank.  As the oldest twin I do not have to listen to what you say about my gifts for Bug.”

“I am the MOTHER.  Which trumps anything you are to Katie.  I appreciate the furniture and toys you got her but next time a heads up would be nice.  Also, if you turn her into a spoiled brat you get to keep her.”

“Ok, well you can ride your high horse.  I’ve got a niece to visit!”

“BUG!  I missed you, kiddo!”

The look on that kid’s face is everything to me.  I hope one day I have one just like her.

It was neat seeing the post cards that I sent her on the wall.  At least Liv didn’t toss them!

I spent some quality time with Bug in her new room.  I heard Liv crying downstairs and I took Bug to go investigate.

Liv didn’t even notice when I stuck Bug in her swing.

“Honey, what’s wrong.  What’s going on?”

“Oh, Penny.  While you were away I had a miscarriage.”

“Oh, Sweetie.  I’m so sorry…I didn’t know you were trying.”

“We didn’t either…”

“Look, I know this isn’t going to make up for what you lost but I got you something while I was away.  I have something important to do but I really want to be here for you.  Let’s have a lunch date next week.”

“Ok, Pen.  I’ll call you!”

I left Liv’ house with a heavy heart.  I will always hurt when she hurts.  Right now I had my own fish to fry.

After a staring contest with the box, willing it to go my way, I took the test.

“Penny…I’m home!  I got a promotion today!  Penny…where the fuck are you?”


“Yeah…come on in.”

“Penny…what’s wrong?  Are you sick?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Chapter 3.5

Notice anything different?

The first thing I did with my loot when I got home was sell it to the museum.

The second thing I did was have my house remodeled, repainted, and refurnished!

I bought some furniture in France and had it shipped overseas.  It was spendy but I had some money to spare.

I had the kitchen remodeled, too!  The guys came in a moved all the cabinets and stuff across the room.

That way I could have patio doors installed for my non-existent patio!

I loved the French style so I tried to recreate it in my dining room!  It’s full of yellows, whites, and blues.  Also I got one of the photos of the French countryside framed and hung it on the wall!  I was so proud.

My bathroom is probably my favorite part ever!  Seriously…I always wanted a bathroom like this.  I may have stretched the budget a little thin but it was so worth it!

Don’t mind that weird little gnome.  He followed me home and now I can’t get rid of him.

Speaking of things that followed me home, Storm is fitting right in!  He’s a really happy bird and seems to like his tree.

A week after my return I was getting into my routine.  Adam was going to be moving in soon and I realized that his room was the only one without furniture.  At least I moved the lizards out of the spare room I guess.

I headed out to get some stuff for a teenage boy.  I was feeling ill (it’s not a good idea to eat leftover pizza that you got before leaving on a month long trip) and I just wanted to get in and get out of the store.

I headed to the third floor and tried to find something that was not too girly or too childish.

So I bought some punk rock teen furniture and headed home.  If Adam doesn’t like it the boy can buy his own stuff next time.

I made it home just in time, too.

After taking a nap I was finally starting to perk up a bit.  I decided to make some spaghetti for dinner since I was feeling adventurous.  I heard some banging around down the hall and I went to investigate.

Adam was catching up with Theodore Q. Rumplefugly who moved in with my crew when I return from my trip.

“You say hello to your lizard before you greet the sister you haven’t seen in a month and who is graciously letting you move in with her?”

“PENNY!  Thank you so much!  And I did miss you.  But, I mean…Cueball is my homeboy and you are my sister.”

“Whatever.  Hey, I know this stuff isn’t really your style but I wasn’t feeling great today and it was cheap.  If you hang around for a while perhaps we can get you some better stuff.”

“Are you kidding?!  It’s great.  Mostly I’m just glad that I don’t have to live with Mom anymore.  The woman has lost her marbles!  And that baby thing is obnoxious.  Have you met Ericka?”

“Not yet.  I was going to go over later this week to give them their goodies.  Anyway I got spaghetti going so call mom and tell her you didn’t die on the way over and then come eat.”

While Adam called Mom I finished the food.  He wasn’t going to be too terrible a room-mate.

Using my new dining room felt great!  I cannot believe I have awesome furniture now!

Not everything was all sunshine and rainbows though.  My NEW sink broke while I was washing dishes.

I’m going to have to get used to the joys of home ownership.  I’m also going to spend a great deal of time upgrading.  And maybe hire a maid.

I need a job.

Chapter 3.4

Note from SweetPoyzin: This chapter contains language that may not be appropriate for all readers.  Reader discretion is advised.

France is by far the best place I’ve visited.  I’m so in love with this place!

Not to mention they have the best beds of all the hotels I’ve stayed at on my travels!

Of course I bought Bug some goodies.  Actually, I bought her A LOT of goodies here in France.

I’m taking it easy this time.  I’ve been spending my mornings eating at the local cafes and staying out of trouble.

Well, mostly out of trouble.  This time it wasn’t my fault.

Some woman asked me to go to this creepy ass deserted house and find out why the people disappeared.

The whole place was full of these stupid traps that I had to disarm.

It was a really neat house though.  Since everyone was gone I thought maybe I could loot some of the furniture but I am not a kleptomaniac.

Super weird place though.  There were all these burn marks everywhere.

And this whole deserted nursery should have made me think, “Penny, you should probably go back to the hotel and read a book…”

But I make bad decisions.

So I got electrocuted.  I’d like to say it only happened once.  But I can’t.

I went home and showered (which is why I was riding through the streets of France while singed) and then reattempted this whole mess later.

I found some dead bodies.

A lot of dead bodies.  But I figured out that the guy killed his family and hid them in the walls and that’s why he ran off and nobody saw the family ever again.

Good times.

I also did some excavating here, too.  I did not obtain the proper permits, hence why I am digging in the dark of night.

I did not get arrested though and I found $10,000 worth of stuff!  I’m so getting new furniture when I get home!

I heard there was a nectary nearby that allows tourists to harvest fruit.

Did you even have to ask if I did it?  FREE FOOD!

I also spent a ton of time fishing.  I can see why Xander likes it.  Since I learned how to make frog’s legs I thought I would try to catch some frogs to bring home with me.  My mother will be so impressed by this meal!

I found this really weird bird out by the lake.  It’s a Spotted Sixam and is really rare.  I befriended him and put him and he let me put him in my pocket to take home.  I named him Storm.

Late into my trip I headed to the famous art gallery here in France.  I seriously spent the entire day wandering the halls and still did not see it all!

It was also a little weird seeing miniatures or parts of big monuments in the museum…especially those I’ve seen in person in China and Egypt.

On my trip home from the museum I passed by this beautiful little house right on the river.  It was a two bedroom, one bathroom vacation home and it was for sale.  The best part–it was in my price range.

I knew right then that house was meant for me.  New furniture be damned!  I’m buying that house.

I went back to the hotel to sleep on it but ultimately decided to go ahead with the purchase.  I could see making France a second home.  I’d love to travel here with Bug one day.

I setup a noon meeting with the local real estate agent and then wandered to the cafe to have some breakfast.

Just as I was sitting down to enjoy my crepes my phone rang.

“Can you meet me behind the cafe?”

I made a new friend in France.  His name is Gerald and he’s probably close to 20 years older than I am.  We didn’t really discuss specifics.

But he’s a nice guy and after a month alone on the road a girl needs a little friendship.

We said our goodbyes since I would be leaving in a few days.  Then I ran off to meet with the Realtor.

I went back to yet another serving of crepes (I might have an addiction) when my phone rang again.  This time it was Adam.

“Sup, baby bro-man!  How are things with you?”

“Oh they are good here…SoDadHasCancerAndMom’sGoneCrazyBecauseSheHadTheBaby.  So actually things aren’t that great and I was wondering if I can I come live with you?”

“I’m still in France, Adam.  No you can’t come–DAD HAS CANCER?!”

“Yeah he’s known about it since I was a toddler but he didn’t want to tell anyone and because the doctors said it was slow-growing and wouldn’t be an issue.  Well somehow mom found out and now she is hormonal with all the post-baby stuff and she’s worried about Dad dying and she’s sleep deprived and might go postal.  So can I come live with you when you get back?”

“I don’t know?  I mean…Xander and I haven’t even moved in together yet!”

“I know.  But when I asked him if I could live there he told me to call you!”

“Wait–you asked to move in with my BOYFRIEND before you called me?!”

“Well, no.  First I asked Uncle Ollie.  Then I asked Aunt Colleen.  Then Grampa Vic.  THEN Xander.  They all said no so I called you.”

“So I’m like the last one on your list I see.”

“No, Liv is the last one.  Everyone knows you are the fun twin.  I promise I’ll stay out-of-the-way so you and Xander and get jiggy with it!”

“As your pseudo-parent I forbid you from referring to my sex life.  And never say get jiggy with it ever again.  Pack your shit.  I’ll be home in a week.”

“YEAH!  Mom is gonna be so pissed at you.  I’ll see you soon.  Try not to die!”

After I hung up with Adam I called the real estate agent to cancel the meeting.  There was no way I could buy a vacation home when I now had to support another person.  I sat down to finish my lunch but realized I wasn’t really hungry.

What was I doing taking Adam into my home?  I’m not qualified to be a mother to a teenage boy.  Even one as good as Adam.  And Dad has cancer.


I got up to see what all the commotion was about.

Turns out Gerard has a wife.  A wife who just found out that morning she is pregnant.  I’m sorry let me rephrase that.

It turns out Gerard has an EX-wife who just learned she’s pregnant with his child.

I think now might be a good time to return home…

Chapter 3.2

Holy crap!  I made it to Egypt!

Seriously beautiful here.  It’s just what I needed to escape from reality.

Everything is so lush right next to the Nile.  Contrasting with the surround desert it is an amazing landscape.

My accommodations aren’t really what I am used to…I mean I’m not really a tent kinda girl but I can adapt I guess.

I decided to take it easy on my first day in Egypt.  To be honest I was still pretty jet-lagged.  I spent the whole day shopping in the market square.  I bought cook books for mom, local authors for Dad, fishing books for Adam and Xander, and trinkets for everyone else.

I also took in the sights and learned what passes for fun if you are a local.  Some folks even taught me some songs.

That evening I went to the Temple of Hatshepsut.  I learned about it years ago in elementary school and to be standing there at night was stunning!

The next day I spent the whole day exploring the Great Pyramids.  Sleeping on the ground in a tent is rough work so I woke up a little bit late and almost missed the tour group.

While the tour guide was explaining how the tomb mysteriously sealed itself up years ago and nobody has been able to open it I may have accidentally figured out how to open the tomb.  BONUS TOUR.

I also may have wandered away from the tour group to explore on my own.

Being in the Great Pyramids exploring was incredible.  Yes, I could have been arrested but I seriously have some sort of magic touch…the doors just opened in my presence.

I also snagged some plants from inside the tomb.  I’ve never been one to pass on free food.

Liv would not have lasted a day in here.  Yeah, she does get puked on and occasionally pooped on but there were BUGS on my arm.  Thank goodness I’m brave or that would have turned out in a screaming, flailing, Oops I died kinda mess.

Oh, and I made a friend.  He did try to kill me but in his defense he hasn’t seen another human in like 4,000 years.  I’m sure it was like a bad surprise party.

“SURPRISE!  You’re dead and I accidentally desecrated your grave!”

Nobody enjoys that kinda party.

I also found a part-time job while I was in Egypt.  I was hired by a resistance group and I had to break into a huge government complex, sneak into the basement and hack a computer.

You know…normal vacation type events.

Chapter 3.1

Since Mom got knocked up I decided it was time to scrape together every nickel and dime I have and buy a house.

So here it is.  It’s ugly but it’s mine so I deal with it.

I didn’t have a ton of furniture.  I do have a ton of relatives and they were kindly enough to spare some old junk for their loving niece.  Most of this came from Uncle Ollie and Grampa Vic.

I’ll replace it with better stuff when I find work or become a trophy wife.  I tell myself I won’t be a trophy wife but with this ugly-ass house it is becoming appealing.

I hung my medical degree on the wall.  It’s right next to the sketch of the human body that Liv made me.  It is true that I may still rely on the sketch to figure out where parts of the body are located but I’m sure I will be a great brain surgeon.

Who am I kidding?  This house is hideous.  Who would own this shit.

Oh wait…ugh.  I should have stuck with the hormonal mother and the crazy siblings.

I do have a reptile room.  My newest friend is Cinder the red Iguana.

If I am destined to be a crazy lizard lady then imma own it.

The real reason I dropped $25,000 on this horrible house is the proximity to Liv’s house.  And no, I’m not a stalker.  She was the one who told me it was up for sale and encouraged me to buy it.

She did not anticipate me hanging out with her all the time I am sure.

She loves farm life.  She is out everyday watering and harvesting.  She even lets me harvest too which is nice because I spent all my money on an ugly ass house and now I can’t buy food.  I blame Olivia for this.

Which is why she allows me open access to her coffee maker.

Really I just come over to visit Bug.  This kid is everything to me.  I’m not the worst role model but I am by far not the best.  I want to be a better person for her.  And she’s not even my kid.  Wow.

Liv totally went domestic on me.  She even has a dog and cat now.  The cat is Noodles.  The big ass dog is named Dinky.  Liv thinks she’s funny.  The dog is really cool though.  Nevertheless I will be sticking with my lizard friends.

I was cooking, alone, in my ugly house when I had a crazy idea.  I knew I had to act fast or that whole “be a better role model for Bug” thing would make me change my mind.

I got dressed, crunched some numbers, and did what any woman with no job, no money, tons of college debt, and a new house would do:

I bought a plane ticket for a month abroad.

One week in Egypt, one in China, and two weeks in France.

I did have one person in my life who might want to know.

“That is the dumbest hat ever.  It looks great on you!”

“Let’s not talk about the hat.  Ever.  Don’t ever mention this hat again.”

“Aww…it’s a cute hat.  Maybe you could wear it to dinner at my place tonight?”

“I will come over for dinner after I burn this hat.”

I made stir-fry for dinner that night as a lead in to me leaving.  Xander seemed unphased by my departure.

“So you’re leaving for a month.  Maybe when you get back we can start to plan a wed–”

“Nope.  No.  Don’t even go there.  We will NOT talk about marriage right now.”

“Why won’t you just say yes?  I’ve asked you to marry me five times in the five years we’ve known each other.  College is a year behind us.  Sure we don’t have jobs but if we pooled our money it could work.”

I ignored his question and asked Xander to watch the stars.  The house sits on a huge lot so there is plenty of room to nestle in under the mountains and the sky.

Xander could only focus on the stars for a short time before he had other plans.  I can’t say I was disappointed.

We turned in early since I had a plane to catch in the morning.  It may have been a dumb idea to plan a world adventure in just one day but I needed to get away and do this before I ended up like Mom and Liv.

Xander was gone when I woke up the next morning.  I was a little sad he didn’t say goodbye but isn’t this what I’d asked for?  Space and no commitment?

I made some crepes to prepare for international food and ate alone in my kitchen.  In three hours I would leave on my own grand adventure.

Penny’s Prologue

I returned from college and everything was changing.

Mom was preparing for her baby boy to go from boy to…man boy?  Whatever a teenage boy is I guess.

Little Lucy’s photo adorned the fireplace as the final tribute to the Hanks family saga.

Oh…Colleen went from being a Lox to a Parker and welcomed little Jonah Donaldson Parker.

That was interesting…She was dating a guy named Forrest Donaldson when I left.  Aunt Lanya said something about Grampa Vic convincing Dad to banish Forrest in some sort of revenge against all men impregnating unmarried daughters thing.

It’s all rumor of course.  Although Forrest is missing…whatevs.

Speaking of shotgun weddings…Mike finally proposed to Liv.  Probably with Dad watching from the porch threatening him with bodily harm…or banishment.  Either way I came home just in time for the wedding!

Well, not everything’s changed.  Mom and Dad were still all over each other…ALL THE TIME.  Ew.

“There’s my favorite person!  Hi there little awesome niece!”

“It’s nice to see you too, Penny.  I mean, Doctor Hanks.”

“Jealous, I see.  Get used to it, deary.  This baby is so my favorite person ever.”

“We are going to have so much fun!  She’s going to be my little sidekick and she will worship my awesomesauce.”

“Please stay away from my daughter when she is learning to talk.  I never want to hear awesomesauce from the mouth of a 2 year old.”

“Oh, Liv.  Lighten up.  She will say all the things.  And I will teach her.”

The next morning I was helping Liv get ready for her wedding.  She really did glow.  I, on the other hand, did not.

Glowing isn’t my thing on a good day.  I wasn’t sure this was a good day.

“Can you believe I am getting married?”

“I can believe it.  I can’t believe you are having a shotgun wedding.  What were you thinking, Liv?”

Before she could answer it was time to head off for the ceremony.

I had to admit, she really did look happy.  As obnoxious as it was losing my twin to marriage I knew that we had to part ways at some point.

At least Mike makes her smile in a way that nobody else can.  So help me I will do terrible things to that man if he ever hurts my twin.  I’m a brain surgeon now…and only average, too…I can really eff him up!

I’m not going to think about that in the context of actual patients.

Poor Adam!  With all the crap going on involving banishments, weddings, and babies we pretty much missed his birthday.  We honestly grabbed junk from around the house and called it presents.

He went with it!  This means my brother is either super sweet and amazing or totally unobservant and dumb.  I am going to guess he’s just awesome.

One morning about a month before AwesomeSauce the Kid (Liv totally hates that name) arrived I took her shopping for some baby items.  Mike had bought them an old farmhouse and was renovating it which meant I got to play baby room designer.

Can I just say…I was super excited to go to the toystore.  After dropping about $500 in toys for the tot we headed off to buy some real furniture for the house.

The store was a bit overwhelming.  Lucky for me, Liv knew what she wanted so I just wandered and enjoyed looking at things I can’t afford to purchase.

The baby section was the best.  I, of course, spent my time figuring out how to spoil my niece.  Liv took the logical approach and bought essential items.

“You know, Liv…I never pictured you as a farmer.”

“Well, Penny, I never pictured you as a doctor.”


Liv totally went all the way with this farmer thing.  Cows and chickens.  This should be a reality show.

I have to say that Liv and Mike will be awesome parents.  The rest of the house is furnished with cheap furniture so they could afford the best stuff for Baby Girl Hepworth.

I mean, it’s like a fairy tale in that room.  The kid will totally be aware that she is a girl.

After a long day of shopping we returned to home.  Two hours later I heard Liv scream from the music room.




I got us there without killing anyone!  I was so proud.

I called Mike (once the nurse told me maybe I should call the father) and he hurried over from his renovations.  Nobody expected the baby to come a month early but here we were.

The next evening we all piled in a taxi headed for home.

Everyone was excited to meet Katherine Penelope Hepworth.

I had no idea Liv and Mike were making me a namesake.  Everyone calls her Katie but I call her Bug.  Katydids are a Bug.  It’s unique.  I’m not weird.

Three weeks later we packed Liv, Mike, and Katie off to their new house and things returned to normal.

Well, until Mom stopped me one day.

“I’m pregnant!”

“I’m so buying a house and moving out.  I mean, congratulations!”

Penny’s Diary — Year 2

Note from SweetPoyzin: So the uptick in readers is good and bad.  It totally ate up ALL the bandwidth on my personal Photobucket page.  So for those of you trying to read the old posts without photos…hang tight!  That bandwidth will rollover on February 5th!  Thanks again!

Dear Diary,

It snowed when I left for college.  Alone.  I mean, Xander was there but this was the first time I ever did anything without Olivia.  To say I was scared doesn’t even begin to cover things.

Xander and I downsized for our final year.  Plus without the two extra scholarships that were Liv and Mike we totally could not afford the big house.  I’ll miss that bar.

Did I mention this house is also ugly?  Well, that’s probably why it’s so cheap.

I totally tossed the desks.  Like we’re actually going to study…sheesh.

My first day of classes totally sucked!  It was one thing going to class in the dark and getting home in the dark when Liv was here.  Doing it alone…not so awesome.

I did learn how to cook though.  Without Liv to be all mothery and do the housework I had to grow up a little bit.  I might be the older twin but I am sooo the less prepared twin.

Being totally broke meant that I had to spend a lot more time foraging for food.  No more pizza nights and trips to the grocery store for us!

Seriously…I spent a lot of time foraging.  Thank goodness the campus was full of wild plants!

I may have tired to fill Liv’s place by collecting pets.

I kinda went a little overboard.  I now have seven groups of fireflies.

A chameleon named Leon…

This guy is Humberto…

And finally this one is Sheldon.  I’m sure that I was really collecting them for Adam and Lucy as pets.  I was totally not thinking about keeping them.  Nope.

Oh my god…I’m the crazy reptile lady.  Crap.

So they gave me a degree.  I’m Dr. Penelope Hanks now.  How cool is that shit?  I may have only gotten C’s so I’ll only be an average brain surgeon but nobody has to know that, right?

Anyways, I gotta get my stuff packed.  I’m heading home tomorrow for Liv’s wedding!

Can you believe that?  Totally going to be separate people tomorrow.  I’ll be Penny Hanks and she’ll be Olivia Hepworth.


Love Always,


As we head into Generation Three I just wanted to throw a huge THANK YOU out to all my long time readers, followers, lurkers, and anyone who has ever stopped by just to take a peek!

I have LOVED writing this legacy and I hope you have enjoyed reading it just as much.  You may notice some things have changed on the menu bar lately.  I have changed the format of somethings to streamline things (more or less).

Now that Generation Two has expanded to five kids and three of them have children of their own I decided to make a Cast page.  Click a name in the drop down to go to that Generation.  All direct family members of the Generation Lead will be listed along with pertinent information.

Also, the Family Tree is back.  Please check it out.  It seriously took forever to track down all the family members of husbands and wives of the main family.  I’ll love you forever.  Oh, and the photos are gone.  Let’s be honest…I don’t have time to track people down every time someone ages up or has a baby.  Sorry.

I’m going to come right out and say that I love Penny WAY more than any of my other sim members.  She’s gorgeous, has killer skills, and I’ve been writing her section since she was a toddler.  So her part in this story is really going to be huge.  It will probably be more than 40 chapters.  She’s also got another diary post and prologue.  My bad for the Penny spam.

And now, have some bloopers.

Mollie doesn’t like Garrett…

Or her mother…

Or herself…dem menopause hormones are really getting to her.

HOLY BUCKETS IT’S LYDIA!!!!  Just in case you ever wondered who Mollie really looked like.

Her seriously cried for like 20 minutes after this stupid toy incident.  I thought I might cry too.  That thing is freaky!

So this happened at the Christmas party…

and this…

Oh come on now!

And then Liv pulled one of these while using Pose Player.

And Penny flunked Medical School with a full progress bar and passing all exams.  I made that face, too.

Good times with The Sims, good times.