My mom was losing her shit. The big Feast Day party was just a few days away. To make matters worse, my Uncle Adam and Aunt Olivia were coming in from out-of-town. Mom hadn’t seen them in about 10 years.
Honestly, I’ve never seen my mom so freaked out. She was fretting over ever last detail. The wine, the food, the house. EVERYTHING.
She settled the issue by making one of everything in her recipe book. The woman is a nutcase now. She’s nearly as bad as Dad.
I took it upon myself to stay the eff out of her way. I busied myself by spending as much time with Oscar as possible. I still hadn’t quite figured out how he was going to meet mom and dad but I knew it would work itself out.
The nice part was, since he’d been my imaginary friend since I was a toddler, we were already friends. I just needed to work out how to up the ante and get him to go out with me.
“Hey! Come on, let’s see how we match up romantically!” I grabbed Oscar and dragged him over to the love tester. “LUKE WARM! No way! Try it again, Oscar!” I was desperate to get something hot and spicy but it was no use. Luke warm was as good as we were going to get.
I had introduced him to the Trips shortly after I made Oscar real. They adored him and I hoped to use them to my advantage if mom and dad disapproved. I mean, how could they!? Oscar brushes Ivy’s dog and plays tag with Clover so winning with the grandkids is a win with mom and dad!
Finally I decided to bite the bullet and invite Oscar to the Feast Day party. It was a risk. Not only would he have to meet my parents but he’d also have to meet both uncles, my twin brothers, and my grandpa in the same day.
“Does this mean I’ll be able to move out of the barn?”
I thought about that for a moment. “Probably not. I just don’t see my parents allowing you to live in my room. You might be my imaginary friend but you are still a boy and I really don’t think my dad will approve.”
The morning of the party mom was in a panic.
I totally stayed out-of-the-way and instead cleaned the house. I also hoped maybe that would earn me some brownie points.
“JESUS CHRIST I FORGOT THE DESSERT!” Mom darted from the house, jumped in her car, and was gone.
I called Oscar and told him to come over now because my dad was an easier sell than my mom. If we could win dad over, we could totally get mom on our side.
“Um, well,” Oscar tried to tell dad about himself but lacked a back story.
“He’s an exchange student, Daddy. From, er, Bora Bora.” I tried to make my eyes look as believable as humanly possible which probably only made me look delusional.
“Bora Bora, hmm? I hear it’s very beautiful there! Perhaps you could recommend some places that I could take Mrs. McNamara to on our next vacation?”
Dear, Lord, it was a miracle! After a few minutes Oscar relaxed and he and Daddy had a wonderful conversation about football.
Grandpa arrived next.
“Grandpa, I’d like you to meet my friend Oscar.”
“Hello, young man.”
“Hm. Nice, firm handshake. I suppose you’ll do.” Neither Oscar or I knew what that meant but Grandpa didn’t elaborate.
Uncle Adam arrived and I went through the whole song and dance with him and Oscar. Only this time it was complicated by the fact that I didn’t even really know Uncle Adam! We moved when I was just a toddler so I had no recollection of him and only the vaguest sense of Aunt Olivia.
Either way, Adam and Oscar seemed to get along okay for now.
I bypassed Uncle Mike because I didn’t know him at all. Plus he and dad were so engrossed in catching up that I figured why risk another male-to-male meet-and-greet?
Aunt Liv turned out to be really effing cool. Like 100 times cooler than my mom. I couldn’t even believe they’re twins. While mom continued to freak out, Aunt Liv turned up the radio and got everyone in the living room to dance! She kept insisting that my mom relax and even told my mom to take a chill pill before handing my mom two glasses of wine.
Anyone who can put my mom in her place is totally cool with me.
Finally Mom stopped panicking long enough to call everyone to eat. I could tell how happy she was that her whole family was back together again. She just radiated happiness. If she hadn’t been such a neurotic mess the whole week, you might have thought she did parties like this all the time.
“Hey! There’s the little man my sister has been hanging out with all month. Come, young one. You must meet my twin Aiden. He’s in the basement. I’ll come with you! Did you know I’m in the army?”
Unfortunately for Oscar, Mom had taken Aunt Liv up on her many glasses of wine and therefore I was engaged in a dance off with her when my brothers decided to chat with my soon-to-be-boyfriend.
They returned him about an hour later and he seemed relatively unharmed. At least he wasn’t running out the front door.
Only two more weeks until prom. Time to buckle down with the dating game!
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