Chapter 3.60

Christmas break ended just in time.

Since we didn’t know what it would be like for Peter to give birth to an alien baby we didn’t want the girls around to experience it. We shipped them off to school and Peter and I got the house ready for his birth today.

Peter spent the morning relaxing.  I knew he was freaking out inside because, let’s be real, giving birth is enough to scare the shit out of anyone, male or female.

“You can do this, Pete.  We can do this.”

“We don’t even have the room set up, Penn.  What the hell are we going to do with an alien?”

“Treat it like we do Kylie, Harper, and Simon.  We love him or her.  That alien is our baby.”

I set Peter down to watch some TV while I went to see who had good sales on baby furniture.


I rushed upstairs thinking it was time but really Peter was just nervous and didn’t want to be alone.

“I still don’t know how to feel about this, Penny.  I mean, I’ve been impregnated by a freakin’ alien.  Aren’t you pissed?”

“Peter, this baby is no different than Kylie.  Just because I didn’t grow it or give birth to it doesn’t mean it isn’t ours.”

I didn’t have time to get another word in before Peter went into labor.  Surprisingly it was only a couple minutes long.  I wish my labor would be that easy.

Ok, well it wasn’t that easy.  But still…it was short.

Pete gave birth to an adorable little boy.  We named him Christopher James Pagano.

Now that the baby was here, we needed some furniture.  We hadn’t decorated the new nursery because we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into.  So off I went leaving Peter home with our new son.

For some reason he was panicked about an alien baby despite the face that he was just a baby.

I came home and Peter was reading sci-fi novels to see if they had any information on raising baby aliens.

“Really, Peter?  Really?  Sci-fi novels?”

“You never know, P.  We need all the help we can get!”

“You are being ridiculous!  It’s a baby, Peter!”

I was about to leave the room to set up the nursery when Chris started crying.

“OH GOD!  Penny…What do we do!?”

“You pick the baby up and comfort him, you dolt!  Hi there, baby.  Momma’s here.”

“See, Peter.  Just like any other baby.  Look at how happy he is!”

“I’m sure he just loves you because you are an amazing mom.”

“Well then make yourself useful, daddy, and go get Chris’s room ready while I play with this little spaceman!”

We will be just fine.

Chapter 3.59

Christmas was upon us before we knew it.

I had been hoarding gifts in the basement for months though so I really was ready for Christmas.  I wanted my space back!

I mean, really.  I went a little batshit crazy with the gifts even though I wasn’t planning on it.

I even got the new PlayStation 4.  Are we really going to have time to play with that in a few months?  No.

Christmas also meant the annual party was upon me as well.  I got to baking.

I wasn’t sure if three plates of cookies would cover us.  This family has a cookie problem.

Eventually the gift pile threatened to take over the living room so it was time for the fun.

“HEY YOU GUYS!  Get your behinds in here and grab some loot!”

It was amazing having so many people in one space again.  Luckily there are in-laws now so I don’t feel super bad about not inviting everyone.

Granny and Gramps are still totally in love after 45 years.  They are adorbz.

“Come on, Bro.  DANCE WITH ME!”

“Dude, Mike.  Just…no.  You haven’t had enough to drink to be proud of those moves.”

Eventually the girls wandered downstairs with Vi and Callie to play games.  Dad went down to join them but gave up quickly.

Mike and Peter took on the Poker Bot and both lost an embarrassing amount of money to a robot.

“You know what this family needs?”  My mother asked before the night was out.

“WHAT GRAMS, WHAT?!”  The girls were insanely excited.

“A puppy!”

And so now on top of three children and two impending babies we now have a dog.  Joy.