Since Mom got knocked up I decided it was time to scrape together every nickel and dime I have and buy a house.
So here it is. It’s ugly but it’s mine so I deal with it.
I didn’t have a ton of furniture. I do have a ton of relatives and they were kindly enough to spare some old junk for their loving niece. Most of this came from Uncle Ollie and Grampa Vic.
I’ll replace it with better stuff when I find work or become a trophy wife. I tell myself I won’t be a trophy wife but with this ugly-ass house it is becoming appealing.
I hung my medical degree on the wall. It’s right next to the sketch of the human body that Liv made me. It is true that I may still rely on the sketch to figure out where parts of the body are located but I’m sure I will be a great brain surgeon.
Who am I kidding? This house is hideous. Who would own this shit.
Oh wait…ugh. I should have stuck with the hormonal mother and the crazy siblings.
I do have a reptile room. My newest friend is Cinder the red Iguana.
If I am destined to be a crazy lizard lady then imma own it.
The real reason I dropped $25,000 on this horrible house is the proximity to Liv’s house. And no, I’m not a stalker. She was the one who told me it was up for sale and encouraged me to buy it.
She did not anticipate me hanging out with her all the time I am sure.
She loves farm life. She is out everyday watering and harvesting. She even lets me harvest too which is nice because I spent all my money on an ugly ass house and now I can’t buy food. I blame Olivia for this.
Which is why she allows me open access to her coffee maker.
Really I just come over to visit Bug. This kid is everything to me. I’m not the worst role model but I am by far not the best. I want to be a better person for her. And she’s not even my kid. Wow.
Liv totally went domestic on me. She even has a dog and cat now. The cat is Noodles. The big ass dog is named Dinky. Liv thinks she’s funny. The dog is really cool though. Nevertheless I will be sticking with my lizard friends.
I was cooking, alone, in my ugly house when I had a crazy idea. I knew I had to act fast or that whole “be a better role model for Bug” thing would make me change my mind.
I got dressed, crunched some numbers, and did what any woman with no job, no money, tons of college debt, and a new house would do:
I bought a plane ticket for a month abroad.
One week in Egypt, one in China, and two weeks in France.
I did have one person in my life who might want to know.
“That is the dumbest hat ever. It looks great on you!”
“Let’s not talk about the hat. Ever. Don’t ever mention this hat again.”
“Aww…it’s a cute hat. Maybe you could wear it to dinner at my place tonight?”
“I will come over for dinner after I burn this hat.”
I made stir-fry for dinner that night as a lead in to me leaving. Xander seemed unphased by my departure.
“So you’re leaving for a month. Maybe when you get back we can start to plan a wed–”
“Nope. No. Don’t even go there. We will NOT talk about marriage right now.”
“Why won’t you just say yes? I’ve asked you to marry me five times in the five years we’ve known each other. College is a year behind us. Sure we don’t have jobs but if we pooled our money it could work.”
I ignored his question and asked Xander to watch the stars. The house sits on a huge lot so there is plenty of room to nestle in under the mountains and the sky.
Xander could only focus on the stars for a short time before he had other plans. I can’t say I was disappointed.
We turned in early since I had a plane to catch in the morning. It may have been a dumb idea to plan a world adventure in just one day but I needed to get away and do this before I ended up like Mom and Liv.
Xander was gone when I woke up the next morning. I was a little sad he didn’t say goodbye but isn’t this what I’d asked for? Space and no commitment?
I made some crepes to prepare for international food and ate alone in my kitchen. In three hours I would leave on my own grand adventure.