I returned from college and everything was changing.
Mom was preparing for her baby boy to go from boy to…man boy? Whatever a teenage boy is I guess.
Little Lucy’s photo adorned the fireplace as the final tribute to the Hanks family saga.
Oh…Colleen went from being a Lox to a Parker and welcomed little Jonah Donaldson Parker.
That was interesting…She was dating a guy named Forrest Donaldson when I left. Aunt Lanya said something about Grampa Vic convincing Dad to banish Forrest in some sort of revenge against all men impregnating unmarried daughters thing.
It’s all rumor of course. Although Forrest is missing…whatevs.
Speaking of shotgun weddings…Mike finally proposed to Liv. Probably with Dad watching from the porch threatening him with bodily harm…or banishment. Either way I came home just in time for the wedding!
Well, not everything’s changed. Mom and Dad were still all over each other…ALL THE TIME. Ew.
“There’s my favorite person! Hi there little awesome niece!”
“It’s nice to see you too, Penny. I mean, Doctor Hanks.”
“Jealous, I see. Get used to it, deary. This baby is so my favorite person ever.”
“We are going to have so much fun! She’s going to be my little sidekick and she will worship my awesomesauce.”
“Please stay away from my daughter when she is learning to talk. I never want to hear awesomesauce from the mouth of a 2 year old.”
“Oh, Liv. Lighten up. She will say all the things. And I will teach her.”
The next morning I was helping Liv get ready for her wedding. She really did glow. I, on the other hand, did not.
Glowing isn’t my thing on a good day. I wasn’t sure this was a good day.
“Can you believe I am getting married?”
“I can believe it. I can’t believe you are having a shotgun wedding. What were you thinking, Liv?”
Before she could answer it was time to head off for the ceremony.
I had to admit, she really did look happy. As obnoxious as it was losing my twin to marriage I knew that we had to part ways at some point.
At least Mike makes her smile in a way that nobody else can. So help me I will do terrible things to that man if he ever hurts my twin. I’m a brain surgeon now…and only average, too…I can really eff him up!
I’m not going to think about that in the context of actual patients.
Poor Adam! With all the crap going on involving banishments, weddings, and babies we pretty much missed his birthday. We honestly grabbed junk from around the house and called it presents.
He went with it! This means my brother is either super sweet and amazing or totally unobservant and dumb. I am going to guess he’s just awesome.
One morning about a month before AwesomeSauce the Kid (Liv totally hates that name) arrived I took her shopping for some baby items. Mike had bought them an old farmhouse and was renovating it which meant I got to play baby room designer.
Can I just say…I was super excited to go to the toystore. After dropping about $500 in toys for the tot we headed off to buy some real furniture for the house.
The store was a bit overwhelming. Lucky for me, Liv knew what she wanted so I just wandered and enjoyed looking at things I can’t afford to purchase.
The baby section was the best. I, of course, spent my time figuring out how to spoil my niece. Liv took the logical approach and bought essential items.
“You know, Liv…I never pictured you as a farmer.”
“Well, Penny, I never pictured you as a doctor.”
Liv totally went all the way with this farmer thing. Cows and chickens. This should be a reality show.
I have to say that Liv and Mike will be awesome parents. The rest of the house is furnished with cheap furniture so they could afford the best stuff for Baby Girl Hepworth.
I mean, it’s like a fairy tale in that room. The kid will totally be aware that she is a girl.
After a long day of shopping we returned to home. Two hours later I heard Liv scream from the music room.
“OH MY GOD! LIV YOU’RE IN LABOR! WHAT DO I DO!”
“YOU WENT TO MEDICAL SCHOOL AND YOU’RE ASKING ME WHAT TO DO?!”
“I STUDIED BRAIN SURGERY NOT BIRTHING BABIES! HOSPITAL! WE SHOULD GO THERE!”
I got us there without killing anyone! I was so proud.
I called Mike (once the nurse told me maybe I should call the father) and he hurried over from his renovations. Nobody expected the baby to come a month early but here we were.
The next evening we all piled in a taxi headed for home.
Everyone was excited to meet Katherine Penelope Hepworth.
I had no idea Liv and Mike were making me a namesake. Everyone calls her Katie but I call her Bug. Katydids are a Bug. It’s unique. I’m not weird.
Three weeks later we packed Liv, Mike, and Katie off to their new house and things returned to normal.
Well, until Mom stopped me one day.
“I’m so buying a house and moving out. I mean, congratulations!”
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